


Better Man

by ASlick12



Series: Better Man [1]
Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASlick12/pseuds/ASlick12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jun has been running in a game of catch up for years and at one point he had been happy trying to catch up to Sho. Lately the distance has become too much; too firm. Jun is tired but Masaki has always been at Jun's side waiting for the moment that he collapses from exhaustion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Man

**Author's Note:**

> This is a multi-part piece and is my first piece posted. I hope it turns out alright. Please enjoy!

Fandom:嵐  
Title: Better Man  
Genre: Hurt / Comfort & Romance  
Pairing: Sakumoto  
Better Man

  
"What do you want Jun, I'm busy?" The green room was almost dark and it was lit with only a few lights that the staff let on when they left. The hallways were already darkened and most of the building was shutdown for the evening. It was late and yet even after the concert meeting, Jun was still here and not at home. He had only paused at the doorway thinking that someone had accidentally left the lights on. When he saw Sho still sitting at a table going over things he knew that he had to figure out how to get the older man to go home.

  
"Sho it's getting late...everyone is leaving maybe you should go home. We have an early day tomorrow." Sho does not even glance up at the man he was supposedly in love with all these years. Jun can feel that pain again as another piece of his heart falls away from another painful crack. Some times this angers him enough to surprise Sho with an outburst but lately nothing seems to be surprising Jun anymore about these incidents. They're getting more and more current. "Should I leave the door unlocked?"  
"I don't know Jun, okay?!" Sho's eyes are narrowed in annoyances as he roughly turns a page in whatever book he was going over for a show. It might have been a script but Jun never knew anymore. It was never like the past anymore when Sho would humor him with a soft kiss and explain what he was going over. Back then Sho would collect his things because he knew he was worrying Jun and that he could work on the things at his department while Jun made him tea, coffee, or even food depending on what he wanted. This was not then though and more often than not Jun would fine himself alone in bed with Sho passed out on the sofa.

  
Jun closes his eyes for a long moment before leaning down to retrieve his bag. He presses a short kiss to Sho's forehead before sighing and walking out the door. "Goodnight Sho-san, I love you...sorry for bothering you." Sho barely registers Jun saying goodbye much less using a suffix with his name. Maybe if he had he would not have stayed sitting in that darkened room while Jun walked away from him. Maybe he would have chased after the man that meant the world to him.

 

~~嵐~~  
The next morning when Sho finally returned to the apartment he barely noticed the slight inconsistencies in the apartment. He trudges across the wooden floors like usual as he tugs off his socks and unbuttons his slacks. He pulls his shirt over his head knowing that it would be neatly put into the hamper the next morning. His socks and pants would join his shirt the next morning and his shoes would be straightened. He did not notice that missing set of shoes at the door or the lack of bags by the door; he did not notice a single change until he fell into bed and did not feel that warmth that Jun seemed to produce naturally. Sho was wide awake the moment he realized that Jun was not lying in their bed. After that moment he got out of bed and flickers on several lights throughout the house searching for his lover. His eyes finally land on a piece of paper that was perfectly folded and had his names scrawled across the front in Jun's neat handwriting.

Sho,  
I've been trying for years to figure out how to make you feel the same intensity of emotions for me as I do for you. I stood at your side for years but all I felt was that I was just an annoyance to you. I know you've told me before that you stopped thinking that long ago but I think we both know that recently things just haven't been the same. I'm tired of waiting for you to feel something that you won't. I can't make you love me if you don't. I've been sitting here for an hour now trying to decide where we went wrong. I've been walking around with my eyes closed for years, I think, because I haven't seen the love you don't feel for me when we're together. So I've decided to give up this fight because I can't make you love me and you can't make your heart feel something it doesn't. I cannot continue to fight a two person battle alone and expect to come out alive at the end. I'm making the choice for us because there is no more path to wander together. Forgive me for not wanting to inconvenience you with these words in person; I thought a letter would be easier for both of us. Don't chase me because I'm not in front of you anymore; I've been running to catch up. I'm tired of running.  
Don't turn back and look for me because I've decided to look the other way. I don't know what happens now but I hope in the future we'll be able to be friends. I hope you find love; love strong enough to become your everything. I don't think I was strong enough even though you were mine. Please don't try to talk me out this like you have in the past by offering false promises that your heart can't keep. I can't love enough to make you love me and you can't make your heart feel something that it doesn't. This is where we end together. I will always be Sho-san's biggest fan.  
-Matsumoto Jun

The letter was one piece of paper but it was stained with tears and smudges from Jun's shaking hands. None of that mattered because it still was Jun's handwriting and it still smelled like Jun's unique cologne. The paper was still folded in Jun's meticulous way and the house still smelled faintly of their joint scents. Sho can't remember the last time they had a night in together like the early days together. He can't remember the last time he saw Jun padding through the kitchen in a long robe, his glasses, sweatpants, and one of Sho's worn tee-shirts on a Friday night. He can't remember those thing because he was never here.

  
Something in Sho broke at the thought that he took everything Jun offered him for granted. He loved Jun but he had always had Jun at his side. It never occurred to Sho that one day Jun might leave. Sho always thought of Jun as a permanent fixture in his life. Looking back he realized that he never listened close enough to hear Jun's heart breaking with each time Sho brushed him off. He never cared if his words hurt Jun; not until now when he's lost everything he's wanted because he's taken Jun for granted. Somehow, it feels like everything he has has suddenly been destroyed. Each surface of his home is someone tarnished with memories of Jun with his infectious grins and his exuberance for Sho and their life together.

  
Something else in Sho had no fight left in him to stop Jun because this was really what was best for the younger man. Sho really could not love him the way he really needed to b loved. They had been together for too long. Jun was something Sho considered permanent for too long and he knew that trying to bring Jun back would only hurt the younger man more. He would not try no matter how much he hurt over the loss of Jun.

~~嵐~~

The green room was empty when Jun arrived for filming two days later. That alone pushed a sigh of relief out of his mouth. Despite being upset that Sho did not come after him Jun was also somehow still relieved that Sho was letting him go. Jun was so tired of chasing after someone who never even looked back to make sure he was still there. Jun busied himself with a cup of coffee and his latest movie script while he waited for the others to arrive. Somehow he just couldn't focus. His mind was still replaying the realization that he was tired. His body did not ache like after long rehearsals and he did not feel drained like after filming on set for hours. This tired was like he had experienced every emotion possible in a span of hours and he had nothing left to give. No tears left to cry and no smiles to feel. He was numb. It felt nice to feel numb but at the same time he just wanted to sleep and let everything move forward without him for a while. He felt like everything was going to fast and he needed to slow down and move through his own emotional baggage for a while.

  
He barely noticed when the green room was occupied by another person. He did not realize who it was until Masaki sat down beside him, removed his coffee cup from his hand, and guided his head to rest on Masaki's shoulder. "I'm tired Masa-chan..." Jun was not sure if Masaki understood what he was talking about but he did not care because somehow Masaki always knew the right thing to say to ease Jun's worries or pains.

  
Masaki only sat in silence for a bit; his fingers running though Jun's hair soothingly. "Maybe it's okay to be tired Jun-kun." Jun believed him. No one had ever told him that it was okay to give up; to be tired of chasing Sho. They only told him to keep trying because one day Sho would look back. They never told him, when he asked for advice, that it might be okay to stop running and go another way. It was like a ray of warmth opened up in the dark cold winter to brush against his cheeks. One small piece of hope that everything will be okay. Maybe he voiced his thoughts aloud or maybe Masaki was being a creepy mind reader again but somehow Masaki knew what Jun was thinking. "You'll be okay Ju-kun...sometimes darkness can help us see our guiding lights better."

  
Jun only nods against Masaki's shoulder and then slides in to get more comfortable. He knew he must have looked like a wreck and he probably had bags under his eyes from not sleeping very well in his apartment but none of that mattered as Masaki's warmth lulled him into a light sleep. As light as it may have been it was the best sleep he had in months. Later Jun would decided that it was not because of a warm body being pressed against him but that it stemmed from the fact that someone cared enough to tell him that it was okay and that he would be okay.

  
When Sho walked in Masaki was reading over his own script with Jun's body cradle precariously against his chest. Every so often his free hand would absently card through Jun's messy locks before settling with a light pat until he turned the next page. Jun looked like how Sho felt at that moment. His eyes were darker than normal and his skin was not shining in the usual way it would if they had filming. Everyone would know something had happened before they even told someone.

  
"I don't know what happened Sho-san, nor do I care to, but I hope you understand what you've done." Sho's eyes widen as he turns fully to stare at Masaki. He closes the door behind him and looks down the bridge of his nose at Masaki. The man in question, for all he was worth, did not even look up to acknowledge Sho's reaction to his statement. He only carded through Jun hair as he stirred a bit, lulling him back to sleep, and then turned another page in his script. "I told you years ago when I found out how much he loved you that someone would always be waiting in the wings for Jun if you ever messed up. I hope you realize what you've done and decide not to fight me on this one."  
It took the older man a few moments to process what Masaki was implying but when it did sink in Masaki knew his eyes widened and his lips pursed like Jun's do when he's thinking. "All these years and you still..." Sho watches as Masaki glanced at Jun before nodding softly.

  
There was a brief moment of pause as Sho tried to word his next question but Masaki was certainly on his mark today with guessing what everyone was thinking because he answers the unspoken question before Sho could really think of it. "While you were the center of his entire world Jun was a fixture in yours. I knew that from the day he told me that he loved you. The only difference between your view of him and his view of me is that I'm something irreplaceable to Jun and I know that. Can you say the same about Jun to you, Sho-kun?" After more silence from Sho, Masaki nods to himself as if affirming his own thoughts. "I thought so. Now, I'm asking you this for the sake of Jun and Jun alone, please allow me to love him like he needs to be loved."

  
Sho opens his mouth trying desperately to understand everything going on here but also trying not to ruin his friendship with Masaki. "If you think I'll let the best thing in my life walk away from me for another man without a fight Masaki; you're wrong." Masaki turns to acknowledge him for the first time him he started talking to Sho and it was eerie. "Jun has been at my side for years and I need him no matter what he may think. I love him."

  
Masaki nods and for a moment Sho think he might have won. He think that Masaki understand his love for Jun not that he's ever properly professed it to anyone; not even the man they're fighting for. That moment is shattered with the next thing that leaves Masaki's mouth. "You're wrong Sho-kun. Jun has never been walking at your side. He's always been paces behind running to catch up to you. I would know because I've spent every day since I met him walking beside him to catch him when he collapses." Sho simply stares at Masaki not expecting something like that to come out of the normally easy going man's mouth. Their staring match continues well past a few second and only ends when Satoshi and Kazunari walk in talking about some new video game that Kazunari is trying to get Satoshi to wait for with him tomorrow night. Satoshi glances at the pair who are awake before shaking his head and crouching by Jun's face to gently nudge him awake.

  
Satoshi is greeted by the soft flutter of Jun's lashes as he blinks up at Satoshi like a new born fawn. Satoshi knows the instant that he recognizes that he's awoken by the sudden crashing of emotions that over take is peaceful features. "Let's go get something to drink before going into hair and make-up Jun." The younger man nods and follows Satoshi out of the room. As soon as the door is closing Kazunari turns to face Sho with vengeance in his eyes.

  
"Sakurai I don't know what you've done this time but you better fix it before I make you a woman for hurting him again!" Sho turns equally as angry at Kazunari but the small man begin snapping before words can even pass through Sho's lips. "You're an ungrateful selfish little prick who cannot see what a wonderful man you have! Jun would do anything for you but all you've ever been is a cold, insensitive piece of trash to Jun. If you don't fix this you won't be able to call yourself a man; fo you understand me?"  
"I don't think he should; fix things I mean." They're both silence when the voice of Masaki, whom they had both forgotten was there, pipes up form his spot on the couch. Despite the loss of Jun's body, Masaki was still sitting quietly where he was before. Kazunari stares at him like he's gained another head but Masaki does not care. He is tired of letting Sho take the reins with Jun and crush Jun's heart at every turn. "We've given Sho-kun plenty of chances already to make things right with Jun but he never seems to get it right and Jun is always the one getting hurt. Personally I'm tired of watching the man I love get hurt by someone who can't even care enough to get to their anniversary dinner on time; oh,that's right he did not show up at all." With that Masaki stands and leaves the room to go into hair and makeup. Kazunari follows his form in awe because he had never thought Masaki liked anyone because he never showed interest. Now, it all made sense to Kazunari. Masaki had never shown interest because from the moment Kazunari had met him, Masaki was in love with Jun.


End file.
